It’s been a busy week for late-night hosts Stephen Colbert, Samantha Bee, and Trevor Noah now that a porn star is suing President Donald Trump (who, by the way, will have you know there’s no chaos at the White House) and the National Rifle Association is up to its usual shenanigans.
During his monologue Wednesday night, Colbert noted that while we’ve become apathetic to Trump’s never-ending controversies, he’s urging us to go beyond that and really examine the latest scandal involving Stormey Daniels’ lawsuit against the president.
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“I know we’re getting numb to the Trump presidency — it’s a natural defense mechanism — but let those words sink in for a second,” Colbert said.
Bowing to history, he noted just how tawdry Trump’s latest escapade is.
“A porn star is suing the president. We have not seen anything like this since the famous headline ‘Dewey boinks Truman.'”
I know we’re getting numb to the Trump presidency. It’s a defense mechanism. But let those words sink in for a second: A porn star is suing the president.
We haven’t seen anything like this since the famous headline pic.twitter.com/lhCk0oVQno
— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) March 8, 2018
Daniels is suing Trump based on what she alleges he didn’t do as opposed to what he did do, and that was ripe fodder for Colbert.
“Miss Daniels received $130,000 right before the election to keep their affair a secret. Now Daniels is suing Donald Trump over the confidentiality agreement, alleging that it’s invalid because while both she and Trump’s attorney signed it, Trump himself never did.”
Of course, he couldn’t resist zinging Trump’s lack of common sense, The Guardian notes.
“So this is the thing Trump thought was too sketchy to put his name on? What about Trump University or Don Jr?”
The comedian noted that Daniels has “confidential information,” including photos and possibly texts from Trump. And the agreement, he said, refers to Trump as “David Dennison” and to Daniels as “Peggy Peterson.”
“Now, it turns out using campaign funds to pay off your porn star mistress could be a violation of campaign finance law.”
And the next step, taken by Trump’s personal attorney Michael Cohen, reads like a crappy magic trick in a poorly written movie.
Cohen, Colbert said, set up a company called Essential Consultants LLC, in order to pay Daniels off. He added that:
“Monday we learned Cohen’s payment to Stormy Daniels was reported suspicious by a bank.”
And it turns out that Cohen is not too happy, complaining to friends that as yet, Trump hasn’t reimbursed him.
To which Colbert couldn’t resist adding this zinger:
“Well, Mr. Cohen. Maybe now you’ll sympathize with Stormy Daniels because Donald Trump has screwed you both.”
Let’s relive the moment in the video below.
Next up is Samantha Bee, who, on her program Full Frontal, targeted the National Rifle Association, likening it to the Church of Scientology, the weirdest of churches.
And she credited the teenagers who pushing for stricter gun control laws in the face of the Parkland, Florida shootings, for standing up when everybody else is sitting down. She said:
“While these amazing kids were providing the leadership on guns we sorely need, our actual leaders continue to do nothing but hope that the news cycle will move on.”
Until the next shooting of course, and then there will be another wave of insincere platitudes and “prayers.” Because that’s how these “leaders” roll with it.
Bee highlighted the NRA’s power over Washington, D.C. lawmakers, and added that keeping track ofa:
“…How the NRA actually influences lawmakers is a little more complicated than buy and sell.”
And she didn’t fail to note that the NRA shovels vast sums of money into television advertising and lawmakers are quite well aware of this.
“It works,” she said. “Lawmakers know they have to appeal to these faithful disciples of the NRA. Most of us know the NRA as a lobbying group for gun manufacturers, but to its hardcore members, it is more than that.”
And she couldn’t resist showing a bit of footage in which a devout NRA member characterizes the organization as a religion.
“Yes, the NRA is like a religion. Specifically the best religion: Scientology.”
Those who follow Scientology or the NRA, are indoctrinated with some rather unusual myths, Bee noted.
“At first I thought it was ridiculous to compare these two organizations, but then I did a Google image search and I thought maybe there is something here. Both of these cults are based on fanciful myths that when repeated enough their otherwise intelligent followers start to believe.”
Both groups “dislike” the media and promote the narrative that “only they can save the world,” Bee added.
“One says that 75 million years ago an intergalactic warlord nuked billions of people in volcanoes. And then there’s the really crazy myth that guns have nothing to do with gun violence.”
Then there’s Trevor Noah, who lampooned Trump for disingenuously tweeting there was no chaos in the White House. But insincerity seems to be Trump’s modus operandi.
“Yesterday morning the president tweeted “The new fake news narrative is that there is CHAOS in the White House. WRONG! People will always come & go, and I want strong dialogue before making a final decision. I still have some people that I want to change (always seeking perfection). There is no Chaos, only great Energy.”
The new Fake News narrative is that there is CHAOS in the White House. Wrong! People will always come & go, and I want strong dialogue before making a final decision. I still have some people that I want to change (always seeking perfection). There is no Chaos, only great Energy!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 6, 2018
Noah added that if Trump ever loses his current job, there might be another one waiting for him.
“I’ve got to say if this whole president thing doesn’t work out, Trump would be dope at writing fortune cookies. Look, Trump always says things that are easily disproved. But yesterday was particularly entertaining. Because at 7:55 a.m. he tweeted ‘no chaos’ and then the rest of the day was nothing but chaos.”
The day started off with a bang (pun intended) when it was discovered that Kellyanne Conway violated the Hatch Act, which makes it illegal for government officials to use their position to influence political campaigns.
Trevor on Trump’s denial of chaos in the W.H.: I don’t wanna say the president is wrong, but this seems like chaos. At this point, I bet even “chaos” is like, “nah, this is too crazy for me, you need to take this up with ‘bat-shit.’”
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) March 8, 2018
“The Hatch Act? I didn’t know that was a thing. But that’s what’s great about the Trump administration. We’re learning about all of America’s laws because they keep on breaking them.”
Also on the very same day: Trump’s senior adviser Gary Cohn resigned.
“Maybe I’m being a hater. One adviser caught breaking the law, another adviser quit. It’s a bad day, but it’s not exactly chaos.
But he also couldn’t resist a poke at Trump for the Stormy Daniels fracas, and Trump’s failure to sign the contract.
“How incompetent are you if you didn’t sign your own NDA?”
So he summed up the non-chaotic day.
“To recap: In the 12 hours following the ‘everything is fine’ tweet a senior counselor busted breaking the law, a senior adviser said ‘F this I’m out,’ and a senior citizen apparently forgot to sign the hush money contract with his porn star mistress.”
Perhaps the zealots at the NRA are relieved. Because it takes the media off their case until the next mass shooting occurs.
Featured image via YouTube video.